Over the last 3 months since Joe’s death, I have spent a lot of time walking my furry companion, Harvey.  I find that even on my darkest days just being in God’s handiwork of nature calms my spirit.  My favorite place to walk is to the beach right before the sun sets over the Gulf.  There has been an unusual amount of rain here for this time of year, and I’ve come to notice the stormiest days produce the most brilliant sunsets!  It isn’t on the clear, sunny days without a cloud in the sky that the sunsets glow with brilliant pink, orange, and purple hues.  It’s when the clouds are thick, ominous, and hovering, that the most brilliant colors come alive!  Why?  Because the clouds catch the sun’s light, and reflect them back on the ground below, where we can actually “see” them.    When the skies are clear, there isn’t anything to catch the rays of the sun.  The light rays dissipate so quickly into the sky, we don’t notice it.  (Side Note:  The rays, and the colors are still there, even on the clearest of days, but it takes the clouds to bring them to our attention).  But . . . Not all clouds catch and reflect the light.  The clouds that remain too close to the Earth’s atmosphere are tainted by the pollution and elements of the Earth, and cannot catch and reflect the light!  Psalm 19:1 “The Heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the works of His hands.” 

I talked to my sister today, and told her the reason that I hadn’t written anything on my blog in several weeks is because I haven’t “heard” anything from God. . . just silence.  I know He is still there, I know He loves me, I know He cares BUT . . . Nothing!  No direction, No answers, No revelations on what to do in this new chapter of life, no ease from the constant ache in my heart … SILENCE!!!  Then, I thought . . . maybe THAT is the  Point in this process of Healing. I’m a person who likes answers, direction, a plan, but you can’t Heal unless you are Still!  Like the clouds, maybe my only purpose right now is to “Catch and Reflect” God’s Glory in this storm!  I can choose to Catch the way God’s character remains Good even when the circumstances He Allows don’t feel good! Then, I am able to Reflect His Glory by choosing peace rather than fear in the middle of my storm.  I can choose to simply BE (be quiet, be still, be loved, be tenderly cared for, be vulnerable, be in pain, be sad, be mad, etc.), rather than DO all the things to camouflage the pain!  Pain is Not the problem, pain is merely a symptom of the real problem.  When I choose to DO all the things that relieve me of the pain at the moment (busyness, performance, pretending I’m okay, spending, eating, drinking, drugs, etc.), the real problem grows instead of allowing it to heal.  Then. . . I can’t reflect God’s strength when I’m pretending to be strong, and distracted from facing what is really wrong!  Clouds don’t DO anything on their own, they simply CATCH what they are closest to (either the Sun or the pollutants of the Earth), and they REFLECT what has been caught!

Father, You don’t remain Silent to torture me, but to teach me!  Help me to see by Surrendering my will, my need, my drive to DO something to ease this pain is NOT what is best for me.  YOU are what is BEST!  YOU are the Healer!  My purpose is to stay close to YOU, to CATCH Your radiant (Love, Peace, Strength, Beauty, Faithfulness, etc.),  and to REFLECT it on those around me!  Forgive me for missing Your Daily Grace, Peace, Strength, Mercy, and Love when things were “sunny and good” in my life. Thank You for reminding me through this storm, that I reflect Your image best simply by just Being Still!

“BE STILL, AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD; I WILL BE EXALTED AMONG THE NATIONS, I WILL BE EXALTED ON THE EARTH”. Psalms 46:10