“I’m thankful for my struggle, because without it I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength.” ~Alex Elle

November 9th, a day that will always be etched in my mind. A day of the most piercing pain I’ve ever known, a day of watching someone graduate to Glory, a day of knowing life would NEVER be the same, a day of sorrow, a day of Promises kept, a day of hope for the future, and a day of fear of what lies ahead! How could one day hold such much emotion?

I got up this morning with so many memories on my mind. I knew I needed to go for a walk, break the grip my emotions had on me, and just “Be” with the Lord. I could do this, it is just one day out of 365, and after all it had been 2 years since Joe’s death. I usually pray as I walk, but today I was silent. There were no words to even describe what I was feeling, much less utter a prayer in the presence of my Heavenly Father. As I walked the skies filled with dark clouds, the wind began to blow, and the skies opened up. It was a deluge soaking me to the bone, and though it was warm outside, I felt cold, alone, and completely exposed. I didn’t care I just kept walking, besides the rain on my face hid the tears streaming down it. I cried for the memories of the love I had lost. I cried for the gratefulness of having found new love. I cried for the hurt my children have experienced with losing their dad, and the emotions they’re going through of missing the mom they once knew, and the mom who’s trying to move forward with a new life. How could one person hold so many emotions at the same time?

As I continued to walk, I thought of the birthdays, graduations, and weddings I had experienced with each of my kids. I thought how on those days of milestone experiences in their life I was sad, and glad at the same time. Each time there was a new step forward into a new chapter of life for them, there was a closing of another chapter I had once known, and would miss. I was grateful they were doing what God had planned and promised for their life, but sad knowing life would NEVER be the same. I would miss their physical presence in my home, but rejoiced at the hope of the new future they would now experience. I knew my role in their life would change, and feared if I would be able to navigate my new role. As I processed the understanding God brought to my mind of how I could be filled with so many emotions at the same time, and how He had faithfully stood by me in everyone of them, I noticed the sky had changed.

The dark clouds were being replaced by white clouds blowing in. The grey skies were now blue, and the sun was peaking out behind them. As I continued to walk, now headed toward home, the sky had brightened, and the wind had calmed. Though I was still wet from the storm I had gone through, the sun shined with its brilliance once again. As I stepped into my driveway, I was in awe of how the Holy Spirit had interceded my wordless prayer, and given me exactly what I needed on this day . . . Hope!

Yes! The sky did what I wanted to do today: Cry for what was, shine for what is, and stay calm in the assurance of hope for what is to come! Amen!

#HeIsFaithful #WalkingThroughGrief #StillWetFromTheStorm #Grateful