I think we were born asking “Why?”!  My 3 year old granddaughter asked me “Why?” so many times this morning, I almost forgot what the original question was!  Fortunately, even though one “WHY?” led to another and another, she ultimately Trusted Me, though she didn’t fully Understand my Answer to her.   I’ve always said “I’m much more apt to DO something, IF I Understand WHY I’m doing it!”.  It is true that understanding why you need to do something will help you to practice it, believe it, and learn it, which helps to bring you Peace of Mind!  But. . . what about when you Don’t Understand WHY?  I Do Not Understand WHY the Love of My Life, Best Friend since I was 12 years old, Healthy, Strong, Godly Man of My Dreams is dying at 55 years old! But . . . I do TRUST God’s Love for me, and His Faithfulness to fulfill EVERY Promise He’s made!   In Philippians 4:6-7 He Promises “in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the Peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  So, though I may Not Understand WHY this side of Heaven, I can TRUST His Promise that I can Still have His Peace!

I can assure you no preparation, understanding, or practice will fully prepare you for even the “expected” death of a person who is literally the “Love of your life”!  The “well meaning” comments of Friends, Christians, Family, etc. do Not bring me peace!  They’re really trying to make MY Pain, that makes THEM uncomfortable, go away in order to bring themselves Peace in a situation they don’t fully understand! (much like Job’s friends when he was in agony) Such as:  “Once you accept it you’ll feel better”, “We’re all going to die anyway”, “God said by His stripes you are healed”, “This isn’t really cause for mourning, but celebration knowing He is going to be in Heaven dancing on streets of gold!”  I KNOW all those things, BUT . . . WHY did Jesus cry when Lazarus was dead, unless the gut wrenching pain you feel when a close loved one passes, is Real and Needs to be Expressed!??  I’m sure that before Joe became critically ill, I unknowingly said some of those “slap a bandaid on their pain” statements ~ and for that I am deeply sorry for any pain caused!

I have found throughout this difficult road of Joe’s illness the ones that bring me the most comfort and peace, are those people who Truly Understand my grief. They have experienced gut wrenching, I don’t know if I can breathe, my heart literally hurts, Agony; therefore, I know I can TRUST them with my raw feelings, vulnerability, and fear of what is to come!  They don’t try to “fix” me, and my raw feelings don’t bother them!  They Understand that YOU CANNOT HEAL FROM WHAT YOU DO NOT FEEL!  They don’t necessarily offer words of comfort, they don’t try to stop my pain, they don’t slap a spiritual bandaid on my open wound.  They just Hear me, See me, and Understand me, which Comforts me, and brings me some much needed Peace for the moment!! I Know they Know, and I can TRUST them!  2 Corinthians 1:3-4 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

I find it amazing that when Thomas doubted that Jesus had risen from the dead, no matter how many people told him that he was alive, he said:  John 20:25 “So the other disciples told him, We have seen the Lord! But he (Thomas)  said to them, Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”  Why wouldn’t Thomas just TRUST that Jesus was alive if he heard his voice or saw his face? And, Why would Jesus have the Power to Rise from the dead, but still bare the scars of his crucifixion?  I believe one of the main reasons is when we Trust God through our pain and suffering, even when we don’t understand WHY we are having to go through it; He will use our scars to give others who see them the comfort and peace they need at that moment to work through the pain so they can heal.  And it is BECAUSE of Jesus’ scars we KNOW that He can UNDERSTAND our pain and suffering, and that we can TRUST Him with our broken hearts!  Psalm 56:8. “You have kept record of my days of wandering.  You have stored my tears in your bottle and counted each of them.”

When people say “How can you trust in a God who allows good people to suffer?”, I think they must not fully understand how Amazing His Love and Grace truly are!  God intended for us to live in Paradise with Him – –  WE chose to live in a sin broken world without Him.  God intended for us to be healthy and whole – – WE chose sin; therefore, allowing our bodies to become sick.  God could have chosen to leave us to suffer the consequences of Our Choices, and therefore die because we don’t have the power to save ourselves.  Instead, God Chose to suffer His One and Only Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for OUR sins in order to Save us from Eternity in Hell.  It is ONLY when I Understand, and Feel the weight of the pain and suffering that Jesus endured For Me on the cross, that I can fully TRUST Him with my whole heart even if it is broken!

Father, though I may not Understand Your ways, I Trust in Your Love for me!  You proved Your love for me on the Cross!  I know You Hear my cries, You See my Pain, and You Understand my Hurt and Confusion!  Help me not to try and numb my pain, or cover my scars. They are Only Ugly to me, but to You they are Beautiful Reminders that I am becoming more like my Savior!  I know I need to go through these feelings of Pain, so I can fully allow You to Heal me and use it for Your Purpose! True Peace is Never found in anything or anyone in the world, it can Only be found in the ONE on the Cross! So, help me Lord to keep my eyes, my mind, my heart fixed on You!  Your Word promises in Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” Just as You used Jesus’ pain to save me from my sin, please use my pain to help others find Your Comfort, Peace, and Saving Grace!