Nine Months . . . How could it be 9 months since you left me?  It seems like only yesterday I woke up to your morning greeting “Hello, Gorgeous!”.   Yet, it seems like a lifetime ago since you held me in your arms, I laid my head on your chest and thought “All is well with the world” even when it wasn’t.  I don’t want to forget any part of you or our life together, yet I don’t want to remember, because the pain of the memories are too great!  Though I hold you close to my heart, I have to choose to Forget you in order to get through the days.  

Nine months is the same time it takes for a New Life to be formed.  Yet, in these last 9 months the “New Life” that has formed is one I don’t recognize.  Sleeping, Waking, Breathing, Pretending, Going through the Motions, and Starting all over again.  How can one live, but “feel” no life?  That’s the problem . . . My feelings are broken!  They want to experience your presence one minute, and beg you to leave me alone the next.  My feelings can’t be trusted; they deceive me.  Yet, they are Proof of the Life of Love we shared, and they MUST be expressed or I will implode!!

1 Corinthians 15:55 “Where o death is your victory?  Where o death is your sting?”  I know in eternity Death Will Not Win, but IT DOES STING!  At least for now.  The way you loved me was not fair, as it has left me with a hole in EVERY area of my life.  But . . .Your love has given me a glimpse of how incredible Eternity in Heaven will be!   The past 9 months has “felt” like eternity.  My brain is so tired of trying to adjust to your absence.  I am like a child trying to be a grown-up.  I want to be strong and independent, yet when I fall I want to be held.  I long for the day that life will not be measured by how long you’ve been gone, but how long we get to be together!! Revelations 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”

Father, help me to navigate the hours, days, months, and years of life here in this broken world.  Help me to remember THIS IS NOT MY HOME!  Thank You that with this pain has come the Longing for home with YOU where there will be no more sorry, no more death, no more pain!  For now, my pain belongs to You, use it as You Will!