“I walked a mile with Pleasure; She chatted all the way; But left me none the wiser, For all she had to say.  I walked a mile with Sorrow; And ne’er a word said she; But, oh! the things I learned from her, When Sorrow walked with me.”   Robert Browning Hamilton

I remember taking family vacations when the children were little, which always involved long drives in the car, and many “Are we there yet?” or “How much longer?” questions from the backseat.  Joe would inevitably say “Just go to sleep, and we will take a short-cut.” to our inpatient kids.  Meaning . . . if you will just shut your eyes, not look or think about what lies ahead, the trip won’t be as painfully, long.  Oh, how I wish that was how grief recovery could be! Unfortunately, journeying through grief is painfully, long, HARD work!  There are no short-cuts, there are many detours and delays, no two paths are the same, and like it or not, the only way to arrive on the other side is to intentionally stay in the Driver’s seat with eyes wide open, navigating the twists, turns and detours.  All the while, Choosing to Trust that you will eventually end up somewhere more pleasant than where you are!

Though it has been six months since Joe’s death – – I still feel as though I know Nothing about Healing (because I don’t feel like I have healed at all), but I have learned a Lot!  The knowledge I have gained has been learned the HARD way, based strictly on my experience & circumstances, and may or may not be true for everyone!  For the next couple of weeks I will be sharing what I’ve learned, because I feel IF I had only known Then, what I do Now, I would have saved myself, and others undo pain!

TAKEAWAYS FROM THE JOURNEY OF A BROKEN HEART

“I didn’t sign up for this!”  How many times had that been my cry as I heard the Doctors say “there is no cure”, watched MSA steal the Love of My Life, realized God’s healing would not come this side of Heaven, and try to make sense of my life going forward without Joe?  Yet . . . We ALL sign up for gut-wrenching grief!  Whenever you are in a Love Relationship (Parent/Child, Husband/Wife, etc.), unless you die at the exact same time, One of you is going to experience Deep Grief!  Yet, no matter the 100% guarantee you’ll experience devastating Grief in your lifetime, there is No preparing for the Pain!  The Pain is just Proof of the Love you had for the person you lost.

You can’t Quantify Grief, because loss is loss, whether it be a Parent, Sibling, Spouse, Child, or Friend, etc.  No one is exempt from the pain that accompanies a loss; However, Not All Pain in Loss is Equal!  The Greater the Love in the Relationship = The Greater the Pain in the Loss!  To say to someone who is grieving “I know what you’re going through” is wrong!  You don’t know (but how many times I thought I did), because you didn’t know their relationship with that person.

What I have found is that our society does not do “loss” well!  We are a “get it fixed and move on” generation, and so was I . . .UNTIL I couldn’t!  I am learning; however,  to “Question the Method, and Not the Motive”, as I navigate through hurtful comments of “well-meaning” people! I have to remind myself that they didn’t say the hurtful comments to Inflict Pain, but to ease their discomfort in watching My pain!  I get it, I was one too!  (Think of Job’s friends who brought him much comfort in his grief and pain, Until they Spoke!)  There is NO fixing someone with a broken heart, and anything you say to try and stop their pain and tears, can and will be used against you!  Maybe not in a court of law, but in the private court of grieving opinion you will be judged: “You are not a safe person for me right now”.  The SAFE people are the Aaron and Hurs in our life (see Exodus 17:11-12), who are simply there for you when you grow weary, which you will!

Heavenly Father, forgive me when I have inflicted pain on others, because I was uncomfortable with seeing them in pain.  Help me to extend Grace to “well-meaning” people who say hurtful comments out of ignorance, as You have for me so many times.  I know that You are Not the cause of Death & Grief, because Your Only plan was to bring us Life!  It was my sin that created the pain of death in this world, But . . .You conquered death on the Cross!  And you Redeem our Grief with Your Promise to us in Revelations 21:4 “And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, there will be no more death, nor mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed”.  Thank you for demonstrating Your Great Love for me through the Aaron and Hurs in my life who hold me up when I am weary, and live out your command in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.  Holy Spirit help me to remember this pain is not forever, but serves as only a reminder of the Great Love YOU blessed me with here on this Earth through Joe, and is only a foretaste of what will be in Heaven!