“I’ve learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages” ~ Charles Spurgeon

If I had heard that quote even a year ago, I don’t think I would have fully understood it, or I would have been angry at what I thought it meant!  But . . . now after years of struggling with the rollercoaster of emotions that goes along with helplessly watching a disease eat away at the Love of Your Life ~ I GET IT!

When we finally relented to end all medical treatments to try and find a “cure” for Joe, and came home to KY to be with our family, my daughter Mandy gave me the gift of coming over each morning to work-out with me so that I could become stronger (plus try and shed a few of the pounds I had picked up through the years of depression).  As we turn on our work-out videos each morning, the Instructor starts with a “warm up” that mimics the hard movements we will be doing in the actual work-out routine.  She explains how it prepares the muscles when they are required to go “through the motions” in advance.  Then, during the work-out she always says “Don’t be afraid to take on more weight than you think you can handle, to build up your body’s endurance as long as you don’t compromise your form in the process. She then ends each work-out with a “cool down” stretch.  She always says to “lean into the stretch until you FEEL it” finding where your body “tells” you it needs help, and then stretch those muscles that need help a little longer.  Each morning is filled with Groans and Complaints to our Video Instructor of Not wanting to go through the agony, Struggle along with Laughter in our feeble attempts at mimicking her motions, Sweat pouring off of every inch of our bodies, and then Relief and Satisfaction knowing we “survived” another day, and we are stronger because of it!

When I think about the quote “I’ve learned to kiss the wave that throws me against the Rock of Ages”, I relate it to my morning work-outs.  Joe was diagnosed with this disease in February 2014.  We Thought we Knew what we were going to face in the future, but That was just the Warm-Up!  There were groans of agony, anger, complaints of “Why Lord?” in the beginning. Those tears, those false hopes, those expectations, those questions, were just the warm-up of mimicking what the True “Working out of your Faith” really is!  With each dashed hope of  “Try this, it will help”, and “Sorry, there is nothing else we can do for you” – – we took on more and more weight of sorrow than we thought we could bear, only to find that our Lord and Savior was there waiting for us, holding us up under the weight, and giving us His Strength to go another round.  Our faith muscles groaned as we bore the weight of following a Savior who is more concerned with our capacity of Faith than our Comfort! With each step that we were stretched (emotionally, physically, financially, etc.), we had to Lean into His Promises – only to find EVERY ONE of them to be True and Trustworthy!   What we discovered as we “leaned in”, was our “interpretation” of His Promises was Not True or Trustworthy!  Read the “Hall of Faith” in Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (I had that one memorized, and clung to it) THEN, read Hebrews 11:13 “All these people (the ones listed in Hebrews 11:4-12) were still living by faith when they died, they did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting they were foreigners and strangers on Earth.” (somehow in our “Name it Claim it” society – I missed that part) So, we had to Dig & Lean into His Promises even deeper, and let our Heavenly Father work on those faith muscles which needed more help!  But . . . as the end draws near, and we SEE His Promises in the distance Revelations 21:4 “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away”, we sigh with Relief and Satisfaction to know that we survived another day of our Faith being “Worked-out”, and we are stronger because of it!

Heavenly Father, forgive me when I doubt your Character, because of my pain!  Though the waves of pain and suffering continue to roll, I know that THIS is NOT MY HOME, and Your Promises are True!  I can only imagine the day that there will be no more tears, no more death or mourning, or crying, or pain!  If it had not been for this time of unbearable pain, I may not have been thrown against You my Rock of Ages!  So, for THAT I am grateful, because I have found that YOU are the Same Yesterday, Today, and Forever!