I am a “Control Freak”. . . . there I admitted it! I don’t know if it is from a need to “get it right”, a safety measure so I can “be prepared”, or just because I am prideful and have a need to be “in charge”. Truthfully, it is probably a little bit of all the above! When Joe was first diagnosed with this dreadful disease of Multiple System Atrophy (MSA) in 2014, I researched everything I could about the disease. I wanted to know what to expect, how to fight it, and form a battle plan of treatments so that we could truly know that we did everything we could to save his life. After all, when you pray hard enough, do all the “right things”, and believe things will work out in your favor . . . . they’re supposed to aren’t they? As time went by, and it became apparent that God was not going to deliver us From this valley, but walk us Through it, my need to control the “unknown” began to loosen it’s grip on me. Not because I didn’t want to be “in control”, or had some sudden deliverance from my need to be “in control”, but because my Heavenly Father Lovingly, Patiently, watched and waited as His little girl’s clenched fists started to open ever so slightly, even if only out of sheer exhaustion! You see the harder I worked to stay “in control”, the more out of my control things got. I would find myself again, and again crying out to the Lord, like a child in utter exhaustion, frustration, and anger . . . “Lord, Help Me!” (as if I was doing MY part, why don’t you do Yours) You see the more I feel I’m “in control”, the less I need to Trust Him! It wasn’t really about “Control”, it was about “Trust”! How it had to grieve Him, that His stubborn, strong-willed, redheaded, Daughter that He gave his very life for on a cross so that she could have eternal life with Him, didn’t trust HIM with her life now! But . . . He didn’t say that! He just gently took me by the hand, and led me to Exodus 16. The Children of Israel had just been delivered by God from 430 years of slavery in Egypt! When Pharoah and his army chased after them, God again delivered them by parting the Red Sea, and then drowned their enemies when they tried to follow! When they were traveling in the desert and became thirsty, God provided water! When they became hungry and had nothing to eat, God delivered all the meat they could eat at night, and all the bread they could eat in the morning! Now, as if ALL of these things were not enough to prove Himself Trustworthy . . . God’s ONLY request was that they gather just enough food for that day, and not store up the food He provided. “However, some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning, but it was full of maggots and began to smell.” Wow! What Control Freaks!! It wasn’t about the storing of food, because He asked them to gather and prepare twice as much on the 6th day for the Sabbath. . . It was about their LACK OF TRUST! Ouch!! God in His tender way was showing me: Julie, it’s Not about what you do or don’t do that is the problem. It’s about your heart towards Me, that is the problem! How can you fully Love Me with your heart, your soul, and your mind, if you do not fully Trust Me? So. . . like a child learning to walk, who’s hanging on to the coffee table for dear life. I am learning to Let Go, and take my first wobbly steps, so that I can Take Hold of my Father’s Hand! Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” This is the first and greatest commandment. Matthew 22:37-38 “Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.” Psalm 143:8 “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whoe heart turns away from the Lord. “But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that send out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:5 & 7-8
So for All of my “Control Freak” friends out there like me, there is Nothing wrong with Planning and Preparing for your Future, just as long as you TRUST the ONE who Holds Your Future in the Palm of HIS Hand!
So hard to let go of control …i’m on a journey of trusting Him too ♡ Love you Julie Weaver! Praying for His will in ALL.things for you guys God Bless
Words are gifts like Silver Boxes…such a gift I’m sure you’ve heard that, I Think there is even a book …thank you for sharing your words ♡ Your life, your strength through these tough times
Beautiful Julie!! Your faith is amazing because you are humbled under God’s hands!
Learning to trust too. Thankyou
Praying for Joe’s comfort and peace, physically and spiritually, as he prepares to meet Our Lord.
God is using this time, this very difficult journey for you and your family to bring me, and thousands of those witnessing your faithful walk, to a closer and more intimate relationship with Him.
As I read your blog and watch your faith strengthen through your despair, I am reminded of Malachi Chapter 3 “ He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver” knowing that the silver smith watches patiently and intently as his masterpiece is being form …and waiting with wisdom and discernment until He sees His own reflection ….it is at that very moment in time that His masterpiece is complete!
May you continue to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit guide you and comfort you during this time,
Love you ! Pam
If there is Anything I can do to support you or your family please let me know! Pam
Thank God for those who show us faith and trust in Amighty God so that we may grow in trust and reliance’s upon the only true source of faith. God bless you
Julie, you inspire me, I try to stay in control as well, your words have penetrated deep into my heart! Thanks for living out your faith out loud!! love you!!
Thank you for sharing you heart and God’s messages, Julie. He will walk you through this time and eternity.
It was three years ago this month when God told me, “You are O.C.D.” I was like, “Wait, what?” He was like, “Yeah, you have an Overly Controlling Disposition.” I knew instantly I couldn’t argue with that!
Recently, I read an amazing book/Bible Study by Singer Songwriter, Laura Story, “When God Doesn’t Fix It.” I posted all my reflections from the book on my blog, Breaking Open The flask on blogspot.com There have been several times I’ve wanted to mention this book to you but didn’t. God brought it to mind again today as I read your post so I acted on it.
Julie, I’ve watched you from afar grow your faith and your business for many years now all the while God using you to provide direction during the years of death and destruction in my family. Nothing is wasted in God’s economy. He uses it all. He has a greater purpose in it all; far greater than we could ever ask or imagine. He repairs and restores all the broken things.
Leaning in, Listening Long and Praising thru with a Prayer Storm over here for your family! 💗
Praying for you, Joe and your family!
You are and always have been such an inspiration!
I love this! It is so true! Thank you for sharing your heart Julie… it blesses me and I know it will bless SO MANY others! God is so amazing at is ability to use EVERYTHING in our lives, not JUST for US but for millions to come! Amen!
I see your need to “control” in a different light. When you are saying good-bye to the love of your life that you don’t want to be separated from… the companionship, friendship, and love, it makes it so painful to let go. I don’t blame you for holding so tightly to the man of your dreams! But yes…we have to trust God to bring us through the extreme pain of a loss like what your going through. The pain and grief are intense but God in His mercy will give you sufficient grace. The Lord will be your strength. Even though we’ve never met I prayed for you on your road to National and I know thousands of women you don’t know (the beauty of this MK sisterhood) will be praying for you during this difficult time!! May our Lord bless and keep both if you Julie!!!
Julie I am in constant prayer every time I think of you 🙏You are such a beautiful example of how God wants us to live and you do it so full of grace🌺Thanks Denise Hernandez
Thank you Julie for this project. I have a friend who’s going through a similar situation and my brother is also. I will share this with them. I’ll continue to pray for you to find strength in your journey.
I love following your story and may peace be with you always.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. The father has been speaking to me just this week about trusting Him and I know it was not by accident I saw your blog today. Blessings to you mighty woman of God!
Thank you, dear Julie!! Your words ring true!!!
I am so grateful for our loving God’s steady care…he called my
dear gentleman friend on to his heavenly home on Friday morning ….I am at peace , confident in HIS plans….
May your days be blessed beyond measure as you travel this journey.
Julie thank you for sharing. Thank you for showing that even with all of your success, the personal struggle is real.
Profound words this morning! I am speechless at the timing of THIS message! God is always on time and I hear Him through your words. Thank you for your obedience! I, for one, get to be blessed (and humbled) because of it. 🙂
Love and prayers to all of you
Thank you for sharing from one control freak to another. I continue to lift you, Joe and entire family in prayer! Miss you and love you!
I sure did need to hear this. Thank you for such raw honestly and sharing your journey in life. ❤️
Julie, thank you for your transparency, you are speaking about me and because of your obedience to share you are God’s mouthpiece to remind me of His love and patience with me! Thank you dear! Praying for your peace of mind and for Joe’s healing be His will!
I so admire your strength! Your love for God, your trust and belief in God, your journey, is all about showing someone else who God really is.
Thanks… I needed that msg today. Prayers and blessings to your family!