I remember when I was pregnant with our first child. I would lay in bed as I felt her body move inside me, and wonder what kind of a child she would grow up to be, and worry what kind of a mom I would be. After all, they don’t come with an instruction manual, and this is someone’s life you’ve been assigned to care for. I laughingly told my kids as they were growing up if they didn’t require hundreds of thousands of dollars in psychiatric treatment, I would take that as a passing grade as a parent! Of course I was only kidding (ok maybe, maybe not), because I have made many mistakes along the way. To be “Real” ~ My kids did not always like me, nor did I always like them, but I ALWAYS loved them, and I ALWAYS wanted the very best for them! I believe there was never a time no matter what was said, or done (and trust me when I say there were Lots of those times) that led them to seriously doubt my love for them. (my methods, my motives, my choices, my sanity. . . sure! ~ but not my Love) Though I doubted my ability to be a good parent many times, I always felt I knew what my true assignment was as their parent. When you understand the assignment, and your role within the assignment, it makes it a whole lot easier to navigate through the choppy seas along the way. Proverbs 22:6.

As a parent, you know the ultimate purpose of your assignment is to train up your children in the way they should go: to honor the Lord in all they do, to become independent, to make wise choices, to give back to society, and to be a source of love, and support to those who are less fortunate. But . . .when you’re forced into the role of having to “parent” your parents, the purpose of your assignment seems a little fuzzy. The full weight of the assignment of parenting isn’t felt until you step into the role of parenting your own parents. The Bible makes it clear in Exodus 20:12 that we are too “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”

Honor your father and your mother as in… don’t treat your parents as your children, because they’re not, but yet they’re not cognitive enough to make wise decisions for themselves anymore. You don’t want to say “No you can’t (drive, get a license, carry a credit card, buy that, go to that place alone or at all, etc.)“. Unfortunately you find yourself saying “No” more often as the list of things they can’t do grows longer than the list of things they can do over time.

Eagles purposefully design the nest to become uncomfortable as their young grow older. As the maturing eaglets become heavier they sink into the thorns the parent eagles put underneath the soft downy feathers. This helps to make the pain of remaining the same, greater than their fear of making a change. The young must hop up on the outer edge of the nest, looking straight into the vast sky they were meant to fly, rather than live in pain by staying in the safety of the nest they’ve become accustomed to. The mother eagle seems to lose her ever living mind when she boots her young out of the nest as they try to keep their balance on the top ledge. They’re sent tumbling down hundreds of feet in the air surely to their sudden death! However, this is an innate way of training, and equipping her young to use their God-given gifts to be independent, fly, and honor God by fully being what He created them to be. Scary? Of course, but she knows her role, which is to equip, train, and prepare her young to Honor God by sending them off to do, and be what they were created by God to do, and be!

In the 2nd Send off, the purpose is not clear, because it is when your parents are coming to the end of themselves. They can’t rely on their gifts, talents, and strengths. They have no grandiose dreams of reaching new personal achievements, or soaring to new heights, but they do want to be able to do what they’ve done for the last 75+ years of their life. Instead of sending them out of the nest, and encouraging them to use their gifts and be independent, I find myself creating new nests trying to get them to stay in, in order to protect them. My role has become walking them through a surrendering of themselves, and all that they used to know and do. Trying to help them maintain their dignity, while teaching them it’s ok not to be independent, which feels innately wrong! I guess this is what “Honoring” looks like in this season.

Side note: I started this article several months ago, and kept meaning to finish it. However, life got busy, and I never got around to it. I picked my dad up to take him to a routine follow-up doctor’s visit on a Monday. He told me my car was nice, and he wanted me to take him to get one like it. (we had his license revoked years ago, and the “License & Car” was the source of many contentious conversations) This time I just said, “Ok Dad.” He died 3 days later.

If you find yourself in the situation of preparing your parents for their 2nd send-off like so many of my friends are at this stage of life. I want to encourage you to look back, and remember what it was like raising your kids. Though you’re not their parents, the process is much the same: exhaustion as they require more of your time and energy, patience and respect while having hard conversations sometimes for the 10th time, second-guessing yourself about the hard decisions you must make on the fly, and doing All things in love (especially the hard things, because they’re not fun for anyone). Be patient with yourself and with them, because you won’t always get it right. This is new territory for you and your parents, which is why you need as much professional help as possible. Remember when your kids wouldn’t believe you, but whatever their friend’s mom said (even though it was the same thing you said) was the gospel?! The way is not always clear, and it will drive you to your knees in a way that only caring for someone you love can. You won’t always like them, and trust me, the more decisions you have to make about limiting their independence . . . they won’t always like you! Pick your battles carefully, guard your tongue, and always act in love, because you never know when your last day together will be.

On the final day of our parent’s send-off they may look frail and weak, but I want you to get a glimpse of what God promises is really going on for those who know Jesus as their Savior. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. The eagle has left their earthly nest!

Daddy, I know if there are highways in Heaven you’re driving them! I know we will meet again soon!