“They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” ~ Anne Lamott

Moving through the journey of Grief is never a linear move, but more like a complicated dance!  It’s two steps forward ~ you wake up thinking “I feel good today, I must be healing!”.  Then . . . it’s three steps back ~ (an up-coming birthday or event, a photo, a song on the radio, or smell, etc.) that reminds you of the deep wound you thought was healed, but only had a thin scab over it.  Like a dance you are in constant motion dipping, swaying, weaving your way through a life without your Loved One that you never even imagined.

Like any dance, some steps come easier than others (paying bills, fixing things on your own, becoming more courageous, etc.), while other steps seem like they will never become natural (going to bed and waking up alone, not having anyone you can share your deepest secrets with and feel totally safe of their love after you’ve told them, or no one to call when you’re super excited or deeply sad about something, etc.).. But . . . what I’m learning is through every step, or misstep for that matter, the “Dance of Grief” is painful but Beautiful in its own way.  It is a Dance of a Life that is being Tempered by the fire of Grief! The Dance is real and raw, an expression of your inner feelings, a language without words that sways to a beat all its own.   A life that has been shattered by grief is now being molded, and tempered like steel to fit a New Purpose for such a time as this.

Tempering is a process of heat treating used to increase the precious metal’s toughness (reliance on God) by removing some of its excess hardness (self-reliance).  The metal is taken several times to the breaking point by fire (trials) in order to remove the characteristic (self-reliance, shallow faith, pride, anger, etc.) that make it hard to shape.  As the metal is broken down (comes to the end of itself) it becomes pliable, because the brittleness is removed.  The exact temperature and duration of heat must be carefully controlled in order to produce the balance of physical properties according to the desired specification for the metal’s future use.  After each time in the fire, the metal must be allowed to rest in the cool still air (God’s Grace).

This is my life, and the life of everyone trying to travel the journey of Grief.  It’s real and raw, and it cannot be understood by anyone that has not been asked to the Dance!  It’s a mixture of Anger, Abandonment, Fear, Frustration, and yet a knowing deep within your soul that God has been, and will be faithful through it all.  I want to end with one of my favorite Psalms in the Bible.  It was written by David, a man after God’s own heart, who was well acquainted with the “Dance of Grief”.  (interesting side note:  David Loved to dance, and he wrote this in the middle of his grief as a song)

Psalm 13^[a]

For the director of music. A psalm of David.