People can only process so much at any one time, which is why we categorize our Emotions, Relationships, and Thoughts in a neat and orderly fashion in our mind.  Not because we are neat and orderly, but because we prefer to handle things we are familiar with, know, or understand.  We don’t like to be caught off guard, delve into the unknown, or not be able to predict the outcome. Unknowingly we tend to “box” people in based on what we have always known them to be.  Once we’ve boxed it, labeled it, and filed it our mind, we think we are better equipped to “handle” any situation concerning them.  It’s a defense mechanism we all use to control our environment, and protect our heart.  So, when someone we know and love breaks out of the “box” we have neatly packaged them in, it brings on stress! 

One of the hardest parts about moving through the journey of grief, having to rebuild your life, and discover who you are without your Loved One, is breaking out of the “box” you or others have put you in.  The box is the “Safe Zone” of what you’ve always known, done, and been in your mind, or the mind of others.  Our brains are wired for ease, safety, and predictability.  We don’t like when someone we have always known and loved breaks out of the “box” of what we’ve always known them to be.  Yet, that is exactly what the death of a Loved One does . . . Like it or not, Ready or not, the “box” you have been accustomed to is forever broken! You are on the road of recreating what everyone, including you, knew to be “Safe and Predictable”.  

It is said that when you place crabs in a bucket (though they all want to be free), when one of them starts to climb out, the others will pull it back into the bucket.  In this way, crabs are a lot like humans on the journey of grief. Most of us would prefer the safety of what we know, even if it’s painful, then to face the fear of the “Unknown”, and have our heart broken again!  When someone we know has gone through a catastrophic loss, and they start to crawl out of the bucket of grief, they don’t look or act the way we have always known.  Therefore, out of love for them and fear of another heartbreak for us, we tend to pull them back into the bucket (box).  This process creates a lot of tension, and requires a LOT of communication.  For the relationship to survive, it demands much love and grace, because both parties are facing the fear of the unknown. Colossians 4:6 “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”  It’s called the Journey of Grief!  For grief doesn’t just effect the person who died and their immediate family, but everyone who is connected by the thread of love to those who mourn.

The last thing anyone wants who has just experienced the loss of someone they know and love, is to lose another person they know and love!  However, the person who has just gone through the process of deep grief doesn’t reappear as they were before.  It’s as if “that” person was buried along with the person who died.  Just like a caterpillar must go into a cocoon (grave) for a necessary period of time, it will never reappear the same as it was when it went in. Ephesians 4:22-24″ You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; ²³ to be made new in the attitude of your minds; ²⁴ and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness”  The important thing to remember for all those looking on with love and concern is the caterpillar itself didn’t die, but many parts of it had to die in order that it may be able to fly in the next chapter of life God has planned for it! 

When Jesus arose from the grave, no one recognized Him right away.  It wasn’t until He communicated with them, and the essence and character of who Jesus was came shining through, that those who loved Him recognized Him!  My Friends be Patient with one another. Communicate with Love and Grace, and trust the true essence and character of your Loved One who has experienced deep grief has not died.  They have just broken out of the “box”, and like the caterpillar have been redesigned to Fly!