I had a funny thing happen to me today, that God used to teach me a valuable lesson!  I was on my morning walk to the beach when I saw a guy getting ready to go scuba diving.    He was dressed in full scuba gear, wet suit, mask, vest, hoses, and air tanks strapped to his back.  As I neared, he asked if I would help him out by turning a black knob on his back which he said was on the top.  I said, “Sure!” When I looked, there were more than one black knob.  I asked which one to turn.  He indicated the one at the top.  Y’all I admit I’m not the brightest crayon in the box, but there were several black knobs, dials, things that could have been turned all around the top of the tanks. I didn’t want to turn the wrong one, and have the man die in the water, because some crazy redheaded lady with a dog on a walk couldn’t figure out which knob to turn.  So, I did what every red-blooded, independent, woman just trying to make her way in the world would do . . . I started turning a knob!  When that knob didn’t turn very easily, I started trying to turn another knob, when all of his equipment moved to the side!  I then asked the man, which way was I supposed to turn the knob.  He said it should turn easily one way, to which I replied “Well, it’s turning easily either way I turn it!”.  The man was growing more frustrated, and frankly so was I!  I wanted to help the man out, I truly did, but I didn’t know how to help!  And, He didn’t know how to help me to help him!  He knew what he wanted, but couldn’t adequately describe what it was, where it was, or what needed to be done in order for me to help.  ISN’T THIS EXACTLY THE FRUSTRATION DANCE EVERY PERSON IN PAIN, AND THE LOVED ONES WHO ARE TRYING TO HELP THEM GO THROUGH?!!

All we know is that we are in pain, and we want the pain to stop!  The funny thing about pain is that it’s just a symptom of the problem.  It’s not the Problem, and the pain isn’t always a very good indicator of Where or What the True Problem really is!  Have you ever been on one of those Web MD sites trying to diagnose yourself?  Pain in your jaw could be an abscessed tooth or a heart attack, and there’s a BIG difference!  The confusion and frustration comes when the pain isn’t just in one area, and comes and goes, but you don’t really know the source, or how to “fix” it!  Think about how hard it is trying to diagnose yourself, and now having someone with no medical degree hearing your symptoms trying to “Fix” you?!  The results can be disastrous for both parties!!  SOME THINGS CANNOT BE FIXED, NOR ARE THEY MEANT TO BE.  When you are in intense pain from losing a Loved One the recovery looks like a dance.  It’s one step forward, two back, and for those trying to love you through it . . . . many feet are stepped on along the way.

Recently I sat down with my two daughters, because I had hurt them inadvertently, and I wanted to make it right before I left town.  It was an interesting dance:  We were all hurting, we all wanted the pain to go away, we all had a hard time articulating why, where, what the problem was.  In the end, I wished I could say I’m sorry, and it would never happen again, but I knew better.  All I could say is “I’m so sorry I hurt you, I love you more than anything”.  In the end of the Painful Dance of Grief there is only “Awkward”!  BUT . . . that’s what people who are dancing this dance do.  They talk about it, they assure their love, they apologize, they give grace, and they don’t try to “fix” each other.  They know the problem causing the pain can’t be fixed. They allow the “awkward” to hang there with the reassurance of Love for one another, because they know it will happen again. It’s part of the Dance!

Oh Father, how I wish I didn’t hurt people who try to love me during this time, but it seems to happen again, and again.  Even in Grace, there is awkward moments, not knowing which way to turn left or right, or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?. Thank You for Your Unconditional Love, and the Love of Family and Friends who are trying to take this dance of Grief with me.  Help me to realize when I do step on their toes, and help me to overlook when they step on mine.  My steps are unsure, and unsteady, but let them all be taken in Love!

**Please Share this with anyone going through the Dance of Grief, or anyone trying to Dance with you.