“Grief does not change you, it reveals you” ~ John Green – The Fault in our Stars

There is a strong wind blowing from the North, and leaves scamper across the grass like squirrels in search for their next nut.  The trees bend and sway with the chilling wind, clinging desperately to their fleeing leaves.  The days get shorter, and the chilly nights grow colder.  All of these are signs arriving like an announcement to an up-coming event that you know you’re obligated to attend, but don’t want to. (You’re Cordially Invited to the Event of this Season . . . CHANGE!)  I used to Love this time of year!  It meant the Holidays were just around the corner, and you’d be surrounded by all the ones you love.  A brand New Year was on the horizon, bringing with it a chance to set new goals, resolve to change bad habits, and create new dreams!  Now?  I find myself wanting to flee this Season of Change like the leaves in the wind!

We all know Change is inevitable, but I’ve also learned no one changes just for the sake of change.  Most people don’t change until they’re “sick and tired of being sick and tired of (fill in the blank) in their present life”.  Then, they’re ready and willing to make the “hard” changes for things in their life to improve.  To truly change is to say “goodbye” to something you have, and embrace the fact that something new and better can be gained.  The problem with losing a Loved One, is No One asks you “Do you Want things to Change? Are you Ready to Change? Are you ready to say goodbye to what you have in order to embrace something new?”  The answer was and is ~ NO!  I Loved My Life!  I worked hard to create, and live a life of my dreams with no regrets.  Of course there were many changes throughout my life, and many of them were difficult.  However, I embraced those changes to make me better, and circumstances better for the people I loved the most!  Grief doesn’t ask you if you “want” to change. It totally Violates you, and your life as you know it!  It just changes everything you thought you knew about your life, and where you were headed, and then leaves you to figure out how to survive it!

Yet, God Promises those of us who grieve that He WILL:  “bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, give them the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor” ~ Isaiah 61:3

As I walked today, I saw many acorns scattered on the ground among the fallen leaves.  The acorns are the beloved fruit of the majestic oak trees, and the seeds of more to come!  Sadly, most acorns will never develop into the mighty oaks they were intended to be.  Because the acorns are so heavy, they tend to fall very close to the trunk of the parent tree.  Though it seems it would be “safer” to rely on the parent tree (what is comfortable, what we’ve always known, loved, done, accomplished) for protection, the acorn cannot receive the light, and water it needs to grow into the Mighty Oak it is intended to be under the canopy of “safety” from the parent tree.   It is the strong, and sometimes stormy Winds of the Changing Seasons that blow the acorns out into the open.  There they will lie Exposed for the world to see, and Vulnerable to be eaten by their prey.

BUT . . . it is necessary for the beloved fruit of the oak to die to what it “has been” in order that it may become what it was intended to be. In the Death of what “was” lies the roots of what is yet to come!

And so it us for us!  After the Stormy Winds of Change blow, (Death: of our Loved One, our Dreams, our Future we envisioned)  we are left Vulnerable and Exposed for the world to see.  We are Not Dead, but in that moment we wish we were! We are right where we have to be in order to survive this next season of life.   It is in the dying of what “was”, that we discover the roots to sink deep into the soil of God’s Love and Promises of what is yet to come.  Only when we are completely Vulnerable and Exposed, can we find the courage to change and grow into what is “intended” in this next Season of Life!

If you look at an acorn as it is right now you could never imagine that it already has Everything it needs to become a Mighty Oak.  It just hasn’t discovered it yet, because it hasn’t had to!   God has Promised the same for us! James 1:3-4 “you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”  To look at my life right now as I lay Exposed and Vulnerable, it is hard to imagine anything good that could glorify God within me.  BUT. . .the God who created the Majestic Oak through the DNA of a simple acorn willing to persevere, is the SAME GOD who created you and I!  He Promised us at just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. … Galatians 6:9 (CJB)

Father, You know my heart!  I want to bring You glory, but I feel so Exposed, so Vulnerable, and so Lonely.  I think I’m “doing ok” one day, only to be overcome by a sudden blow of grief the next.  I know You didn’t cause this pain, but You allowed it, and this Season of Grief seems never-ending!  I cannot see how you could use this pain in my broken life for Your Splendor, but I will choose to Trust Your Character, and Persevere in Your Promises.  Help me not to grow weary in dying to what “was”, and to persevere in sinking my roots deep into the soil of Your love, and to look to You for the changes necessary to become what You “intended” me to be! You understand the pain and loneliness of  Death.  You didn’t want to die, and begged the Father to let this cup pass from you.  However, You persevered to hang on a cross Vulnerable and Exposed for the world to see, because You knew it meant what the Father “intended” through Your death would bring Life to me!  Therefore, my life is “intended” for Your Splendor!