I sat down with my Bible, journal, and pen in hand as I had done so many mornings of my life.  Not because I felt like it, but because I was desperate for a Word of Encouragement, Guidance, or Hope after another long night of restlessness both physically, and emotionally. My habit has been to read God’s Word, and then write down in my journal whatever passage seems to stand out to me in my spirit.  Then . . . I Listen, Watch, and Pray for the Holy Spirit to teach me what it is He wants me to understand, or heed about the Word I read.  This usually takes place as I walk my dog.  I call it my prayer walk!

This morning as I sat wearily, dutifully, desperately at my kitchen table, my journal fell open to the back page where I had lists of prayer requests that I had written out like a a kid’s Christmas list.  I remember morning after morning, reading that list of requests, careful not to skip even one, because I know the power of prayer!  Funny thing though, since Joe’s death – – I had forgotten I even had this list in the back of my journal.  Why was that?  Did I not believe in the power of prayer anymore?  Had I grown weary as I scanned the list of requests, most of which was still not answered, or maybe answered in in a way I didn’t like or understand?  Some of the requests pertained to my life, and many pertained to the lives of people I know and love.  Everything on the list was good.  They were not extravagant wants, but heartfelt, soul wrenching needs that would have Honored God if they had been answered the way I requested :  Healing for Joe, Healing for other’s loved ones, Restoration of Marriages, People being freed from addiction, and the list went on.  Wow!  I thought, “What a way to start out my time with the Lord!”, already discouraged in my spirit.  As I read Hebrews 7, this verse stood out to me, and I wrote it down, wondering what the Lord was trying to teach me.

^7:24 but because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. ²⁵ Therefore he is able to save completely^[c] those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.

As I  walked this morning in silence just Listening to the world wake up around me, Watching the road I’ve walked hundreds of times unfold before me, and wondering more than Praying “Lord what gives?  Why so many unanswered prayers?  I thought you were my side?”  The Love of my Life is dead, other loved one’s died with no Earthly healing, marriages ended in divorce instead of being reconciled, and people are still struggling with their addictions!!   Suddenly I noticed a house that Joe and I looked at purchasing a few years back.  We knew it was getting harder for Joe to navigate steps, and we knew we needed to down-size from the large 3-story home we had built to a ranch home closer to our kids.  This home had everything we knew we needed at the time, and thought we would need in the future.  It seemed to be the Answer!  BUT . . . our house didn’t sell when we prayed it would, so we had to walk away from this home with our prayers still unanswered.  As I stood in front of that house, tears began to stream down my face, as the gentle, still small voice of God reminded me.  “Julie, you would have settled for this home thinking it was what you needed.  But . . . I knew you needed more!  Therefore, I wouldn’t let you settle, because I don’t see the road in front of you unfold as you do step by step.  I created the road you travel!  I know the beginning to the very end, and my Promise is not to Please you, but Protect you, which is why I intercede on your behalf!  I WILL NOT LET YOU SETTLE FOR WHAT YOU WANT, BECAUSE I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD, WHO IS ONLY CAPABLE OF GIVING YOU THE VERY BEST, AND I AM FAITHFUL EVEN WHEN YOU ARE FAITHLESS!”

“Learn to wait on God for the unfolding of His will.  Let God form your plans about everything in your mind and heart and then let Him execute them.  Do not possess any wisdom of your own.  For many times His execution will seem so contradictory to the plan He gave.  He will seem to work against Himself.  Simply listen, obey and trust God even when it seems highest folly so to do.  He will in the end make “all things work together,” but so many times in the first appearance of the outworking of His plans, “In His own world He is content To play a losing game.” ~Mrs. Cowman

As I look back at the long list of seemingly “unanswered” prayer requests, I still don’t understand WHY they weren’t answered the way I thought would bring Him the most Glory.  It does seem at times in His own world He is content to play a losing game. But. . . I do understand I serve a God who is incapable of giving me anything but His Best, even when it looks like all is lost!  Today as I travel this road step by step, I choose to Listen, Watch, and Pray.  I choose to rest in His Peace no matter the road that unfolds before me.  Though I still don’t understand His ways, I have personally experienced His Love and Faithfulness time, and time again.    I have wanted, but have never been in want.  I have hungered, but have never been hungry. I have desired a home, but have never been homeless.  I have lost love, but have never been without someone to love and someone to love me!

Father thank You for the reminder that you’re more interested in Protecting me than pleasing me!  As I look at the seemingly “unanswered” prayers ~ I realize how many of them were protecting me from my short-sighted, fleshly desires at that time.  Because I can look back on so many times of your “Best” answers compared to what I thought I needed at the time, I choose to believe though I don’t understand WHY you didn’t heal Joe here on Earth, it must have been for Joe’s best, because You loved him even more than I did!  Thank You for my “Unanswered Prayers”, and for interceding on my behalf!  Help my aching heart, and fill it as only You can do!