The pain of Sacrifice is temporary, while the pain of Regret can be forever! 1Samuel 15:22 “What is more pleasing to the Lord:  your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice?  Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.”  When I think about it, every time I was disobedient – it always led to regret, shame, guilt, and pain.  Every time I submitted to the Holy Spirit’s nudge, and sacrificed my own pride, anger, or agenda to serve another – it led to No Regrets!

I had two significant interactions in the past few weeks.  One was with my Financial Advisor, who asked me if I regretted all of the money we spent (investments cashed in, savings accounts emptied, properties sold, over $36,760.00 spent out of our pocket for medical bills in just 3 months (I’m preparing for taxes, which is why I know this) for experimental, holistic, and integrative medical procedures not covered by insurance that obviously didn’t save Joe’s life).  A few days later, I was sitting across from my Grief Counselor when she asked me if I had any issues that I had any Regrets over, or that I needed Closure on .  I thought for awhile searching, because I know you can’t Heal from what you won’t Feel, or Honestly Deal with. In Both incidents, I was able to say from the deepest part of my soul . .  “I have NO Regrets!”.  My Grief Counselor told me I was one of the very few who could say that, and that it was good, because “Regret Complicates Grief!”.

Let me just say – – Grief is HARD and COMPLICATED!  It is not something you can just slap a “spiritual band-aid” on and “get over”, no matter how strong your faith is.  I cannot imagine adding more complication to something that is already hard and more complicated than I know how to navigate! Not having any Regrets doesn’t mean that there weren’t words spoken, and actions taken that I regretted at the time – we all mess up, have a bad day, and take it out on the ones we love most!  The difference is in the kind of Regret you experience after the death of a Loved One.

There are two different kinds of Regret.  Regret of Actions or Regret of Inactions. Researchers Tom Gilovich and Vicki Medvec found that time is a key factor in what we regret. Over the short term, we tend to regret our actions (things we did to cause hurt). But over the long haul, we tend to regret our inactions (things we wish we had done, but now don’t have a chance to).  Their study found that over the course of an average week, action regrets outnumber inaction regrets 53 percent to 47 percent. But . . . when people look at their lives as a whole, inaction regrets outnumber action regrets 84 percent to 16 percent.  One is about the Life you lived because of the choices you made, and the other is about the Life you “Could have Lived”, because of the choices you didn’t make!

• I’m so glad we made the choice against everyone’s advice, to make a role reversal when Joe was just 28 years old.  Though it was hard and scary at the time, it allowed him priceless time to stay at home with the kids- He got to Coach each child not only in sports, but life!
• I’m so glad I made the choice to work when I didn’t feel like it, so I could afford the freedom of time, and income to stay by Joe’s side 24/7 during the last 5 years of his life.  Not missing a single moment of our last years together!
• I’m so glad we both practiced until we became fluent in speaking the other person’s “Love Language” (read The 5 Love Languages), and when we had regrets of action we became fluent in the 9 words that kept our relationship Strong & Safe!  ( “I, am, sorry, please, forgive, me, I, love, you”)
• I am so glad we chose to stay committed during the “hard” times when the “feelings” weren’t there, so that we got to experience how “sweet” a life of obedience, love, commitment, and “until death does us part” really meant!

Make the “hard” choices Now while you can, so that you can look back with No Regrets!  Life is short James 4:14 “Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring—what your life will be! For you are like vapor that appears for a little while, then vanishes.”  

Heavenly Father thank You for a little slice of Heaven here on this Earth in my 35 year marriage to Joe!  The Joy and Memories were not found in the easy, pleasant times, but in the hard, painful, circumstances when we were forced to rely on each other. You remind me daily that Your Word and Instructions are not to hinder me from the joys of life, but to spare me from the Guilt, Shame, and Pain of Regret!  Thank You for the great Sacrifice of Your Son, Jesus, and His Obedience to the pain of the Cross, so that I might Live!  Help me to Finish this chapter of my life with intention to Your Purpose & Plan for my life!