As I sit here at the Beach where only 8 months ago I renewed my wedding vows of 35 years, I had no idea how different things would look today.  Memories of that special day flood my mind.  Everyone dressed in white, all of our kids, their spouses, our 7 grandchildren, my parents, a minister, and arm in arm walking with “My Beloved” down the sandy aisle to renew the promises we had made 35 years before.  When we originally took our vows of marriage at 18 and 19, we were “in love”, and could only dream about all of the wonderful things that lie ahead:  waking up together each morning, building a family, a home, and life together side by side!  35 Years later we walked down the aisle with so much Praise & Humility to God for what He blessed us with in spite of ourselves!  We had so much Pride that we had “stuck it out” together to see the reality of those Promises we had made to each other when we were young and naive of what the vows really meant.

Today, just 8 months later, the beach is empty, it’s cold outside, and the wind whips the sand into tiny funnel clouds, while the palm leaves dance and sway.  The only visitors are seagulls that stand in rows with their heads buried beneath their wings looking like a funeral procession for a passing friend they cannot bear to look upon.  I wonder if the memory of that happy day will soon be swept away like the footprints on the beach when the tide comes in.  My mind rings with the vows I promised in April 1983, and again in April 2017. “I, Julie, take you Joe, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part”. I can truly say that over the 35 years we were married we experienced the Reality of that Promise, and that day we both said with much joy and confidence “We STILL Do!”

To Have & To Hold:   We never talked or entertained the idea of divorce.  So, when you know you Only “Have” each other ~ You work it out!  We learned to communicate love in the way the other person could best receive it.  We learned the safest place in our relationship was under the arm of the other to “hold” each other up when the other was weak.  To this day, it is the place I miss most!

For Better or Worse:  We constantly challenged each other to take risks, learn, grow, and be their best!  Then, we shared our victories and many failures with each other, so that together we could become “better”!  When we were at our “worse”, and made mistakes or caused hurt, (which was often), we practiced these 9 words “I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you”.

For Richer or Poorer:  We realized that “richer” didn’t necessarily mean monetarily, because there was nothing “richer” than the love and health of our family.  So, we learned to hold things loosely, while holding relationships closely!  We endured many years of the “poorer”, learning to make tuna casserole, Mac-n-cheese, and chicken multiple ways, but those are the days we would look back on fondly with a laugh and say “those days were the days that glued us together”!

In Sickness and in Health:  There is nothing that challenges a relationship more than facing a terminal illness, and one partner becoming the “care-giver” of the other.  The challenge of remaining intimately inclined while receiving or giving medical treatment, or respectful while in pain, or dignified while having to be assisted to go to the bathroom is something you don’t even fathom when making the promise “in sickness and in health”.  The only thing we could do is to put ourselves in the shoes of the other, and realize just how hard it was for us Both!  Then, it became an Honor to Serve!

Love and Cherish:  I used to always say “I didn’t always like Joe and he didn’t always like me, but we Always Loved each other”.  “Love” is NOT a feeling, it is a commitment. Love is Not based on circumstances, feelings, or what is easy, because it is much easier to walk away, but it is Always worth it to stay the course!  Though Love is a commitment, to “Cherish” is a by-product of practicing speaking the Other person’s Love Language so much that it BECOMES Your Preferred Language!  (Study the 5 Love Languages:  Acts of Service, Touch, Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time).  When we married my Love language was Quality Time and Words of Affirmation, while Joe’s was Touch and Acts of Service.  (opposites attract). Today if you were to ask me what I miss the most?  His Touch, and the way He Served Me!  (both His Love Language that Became My Preferred Language)

Till Death do us Part:  Joe showed his love for me more intentionally while dying than ever before.  He started a year ago teaching me to handle all of the bills (much to my protest), He bought me a gun and made sure I knew how to defend myself (much to my protest), He bought me a puppy to be my companion (much to my protest), and he left me a video message telling me “when you have a love like ours, which is rarely experienced, it is going to be hard, but I want you to be able to survive.  No, more than survive; I want you to do well.  I love you!” (much to my protest, because I don’t want to). THAT is what it means to Love till death parts you.  You think ‘what will the other Need to do well after I am gone?’, and then set them up for success, even when they protest!

I am so glad that God’s Promises don’t come with a road map laid out showing the entire journey before you begin,  I don’t think either of us would have said “I Do” quite so quickly!  Those vows taken in the naive, young years of 18 and 19, but toughed out day by day, REVEALED God’s Promise into REALITY in Matthew 10:8-9 “and the two will become one flesh, So they are no longer two but one flesh.  Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate.”  It is true that half of me is gone when Joe left this Earth, but it also reminds me that God’s Promises, though not revealed at this moment (because we wouldn’t or couldn’t handle them if they were laid out for the entire journey) are REVEALED into REALITY over time THROUGH OBEDIENCE.  God Promises in Isaiah 25:8 “He will swallow up death forever. The Lord GOD will wipe away the tears from every face and remove the disgrace of His people from the whole earth. For the LORD has spoken.”  No, I have no idea what this chapter of life will look like for me.  I will learn as my friend said, “To walk with a limp”.   But. . .I KNOW God’s Promise will be REVEALED INTO REALITY over time THROUGH OBEDIENCE as I put one foot in front of the other each day, that One Day every tear will be gone, and I will see “My Beloved” again, Happy, Healthy, Whole, and we will stroll on the sandy shores of Heaven together and say “I STILL DO!”.

Father, Thank You for keeping the entire journey of realizing Your Promises into Reality from me.  Though I groan, moan, and protest – – YOU KNOW what is for my Best!  Thank
You for Proving Yourself faithful in spite of my faithlessness.  Forgive me for doubting Your Character, Your Promises, Your Faithfulness when they are delayed, or circumstances don’t line up with my expectations.  Help me to see beyond the waves of the storm, and focus on YOU to be my anchor.  Help me to embrace the “limp” that I now walk with, not to try and hide or disguise it, but to know that my limp gives others permission to embrace theirs.  We are ALL broken until the Glorious Day when You return, so help me to be an encouragement to others to “stay the course”.  Through it all, help me to say “I STILL DO!”