I decided after Joe’s death to come to our Florida home and do some renovations to keep me occupied instead of just crying. Each day as I work busting up tiles, sweating, feeling my muscles scream as I shovel pile after pile of broken tile, I remind myself . . .”This is what it takes to make my home into the image I want it to be! Keep going Julie, it will all be worth it in the end!”
After sweeping another area of shattered tile into a pile for me to shovel last night, I was brought to an abrupt halt. That pile of shattered tile, mortar, nails, and dust reminds me of what my life looks like right now! There in that pile lay my broken heart screaming out in pain from the loneliness, shattered dreams of the future we had once planned, layers of dust on a career I once loved, shards of memories that cut me like a knife knowing they will fade as time goes on (like Joe’s touch, his kiss, his laughter, etc.). AND I CRIED! Through my tears I noticed blood dripping onto the tiles. I had cut my leg on those tiles and hadn’t even realized it, because I was in too much pain in too many other places! AND I WEPT!
God NEVER wastes a moment to show His Great Love, Mercy, and Grace when we need it most! God doesn’t Need my life well put together, tied up in a bow in order to accomplish something Great to fulfill His Purpose for my life! As a matter of fact, God doesn’t NEED Anything, nor does He Waste Anything! God is a Master Redeemer, and Rebuilder! He has an “Image” in His mind of what HE wants for His children. Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you . . .”. He also knows that we live in a broken world because of our sin, that causes great pain. He doesn’t inflict pain on us, but He does allow Pain to do it’s work IN us, so that we will not lack anything. James 1:2 “let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete. . .” . God is Not limited by what He uses (Death, Divorce, Addiction, etc.) to accomplish His good and perfect will for our lives. Hebrews 13:21 “equip you with everything good for doing his will . . .”. God wants ALL the pieces of my shattered life, because when I surrender ALL – He can create a Masterpiece IN me! Ephesians 2:10 “for we are God’s masterpiece . . .”. When it seems the pain of our circumstances is too much to bear, and we doubt His love; We need to look no further than the Blood HE shed for us on the cross! John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave his One and only Son . . .”.
Father, thank you for reminding me in the simplest of ways, of Your Great Love For Me! Though my life feels shattered in a million pieces, YOU have a Plan for those pieces, if I surrender each and every piece to You! Thank You for reminding me that it is necessary that I go through this pain, because YOU are working even the pain and suffering for MY good and YOUR glory! Forgive me when the pain becomes so great that I doubt Your love, and forget the blood You shed to prove Your love for me! When I’m tempted to give in or give up . . . Thank You for Your Holy Spirit’s Whisper ” Keep going Julie, it will all be worth it in the end!”
Praising God for His faithfulness to you! We are praying for you. God works miracles in our pain! Our pain, His plans!
Thank you, dear Julie!!! May your days be blessed beyond measure!!!
Prayers and hugs
Thanks Julie, you improve me, i pray for you and your family often!
Precious precious friend! You have especially been in my thoughts and prayers knowing that you are in Florida. Every time you write I cry for you… for the pain you’re in and then for the jewel that you discover through your grief that you hold up for all of us to see! Keep writing, keep sharing, keep shoveling the tile, as we all stand in total AWE of the miracle of Gods unfathomable presence in your life! We love you so very much!
Julie, your heartfelt sharings are a beautiful gift to all!
My heart was breaking as I read your entree. I felt as if right there with you in all the mess and dust of a rebuild. I understand that moment when all feels lost and nothing has any meaning. Nothing can make us feel any better. Then we release all the tears sorrows and grief to an all kind and knowing Father in Heaven. Then comes comfort after the storm of sorrow once again passes through us.
My prayers are with you as you walk this never alone journey.
I needed this today. Thank you! May we both keep that outlook in our minds; it’s the only comforting thing going in y life right now for sure.
Oh Julie you couldn’t explained it better than that pile of tiles and nails and dirt and dust being our broken pieces of our lives after we lose our spouse it has been a year for me and I still feel that way but I get up every day and I do think God for my life and I go on love you Juilie thank you
Julie thank you for your honesty..for sharing your heart.
❤️❤️❤️
Julie, God is yet to ask me to endure what you are experiencing but I pray when that time comes I will be counted as worthy by our King. You are an awesome woman who is using all you are experiencing to honor your Heavenly Father and your life with Joe. Love you
We all at one time or another ask why… why do we have to suffer on earth. Your explanation is a reminder of Gods love for each of us. Although painful it’s necessary. You are so brave and God will bless you richly for being such an inspiration to others that are hurting. Thank You. Prayers
Beautifully spoken Julie. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing.
All those beautiful broken pieces in a pile paint a great picture of what life truly is. Perfectly messy.
Love you Julie.
Hugs and understanding….
Thank you for sharing, Julie. God is still using you to touch lives <3
Praying for you Julie as you work through your loss. Your strength, faith, transparency & ability to express your raw emotions have always been an inspiration – now even more so. Hugs
Powerful. #nosurpriseyouarealwayspowerful #alwaysandforever
That’s Beautiful Julie!!! Such a Reminder of Who God is in Our Lives!! No matter how hard the struggle…..He doesn’t Waste A Thing!!!!!
GLORY! GLORY!
You always reveal important pieces to my puzzle. Our lives are messy and yet so very crucial to what God has in store for us. Prayers, hugs and so much love and respect for you, precious friend. ~Kara
Thank you Julie, I am in a similar/not similar situation. Because of sin, If feels like death of our liife as we know if, of a community if friends, of a pulling apart of a church, even though it is not death of a life, it is from sin feels like it in so many ways. I may be realating in a different way but god is using you to get me through this time. So sorry for you sorrow, it is so heavy., I know.
Julie, I am very moved by your profound words and reminded of my own grief and despare after losing my beloved Scott 10 years ago this month!! You are hearing keenly from your Lord and He will lead you to places of deep understanding through your grief. May He bless you and keep your heart safe! Ann Manley
Thank you Julie for showing your raw emotions of all that you’re going through. I hate the pain that you’re having to endure, but God has a purpose. We don’t always like to hear that, especially when we are in the throws of such deep sorrow. I pray that God blesses you & comforts you like only He can. I admire your strength, but sometimes God wants us to come to the end of our own strength & lean solely on Him. Something I have trouble with. Know that I love you & you are in my prayers! <3