Christmas is supposed to be “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”, and in the past it always has been. Until . . . it wasn’t! Since Joe’s death on November 9th, I’ve had more tearful, sleepless nights than I can count. My heart aches all the time, and the closer it gets to Christmas the more my aching heart betrays me with tears in the most awkward and inconvenient moments. What I’ve noticed recently, is how many people are hurting, and it is Not “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” for them either! Just this week I’ve talked with friends: one who recently lost her brother to suicide, one who is struggling in her marriage, another who is facing some serious medical issues, another whose husband is struggling with addiction, and the list goes on. Their heart aches, and they long for Peace and Comfort, especially at this time of year. Yet, they like me, go through the motions of buying, preparing, wrapping, and praying no one will notice the pain behind the mask of the “Have a Merry Christmas” smile. And to be honest. . . until this year, I probably wouldn’t have noticed! Isn’t it amazing how whatever we struggle with, is the very thing we notice first in others? It took being in pain to notice, and feel other’s pain!
Jesus was the Master at not only noticing and feeling the pain of those around Him, but knowing the cause of the pain was also the Key to the Healing! To the leper – Jesus touched him to bring him healing. To the prostitute – Jesus cherished her to bring her healing. To the paralytic – Jesus forgave his shame (sins) to bring him healing. To the blind man from birth – Jesus honored him declaring he nor his parents had sinned to bring him healing. Jesus knew that our pain is just an outward symptom caused from a deeper need, many times they didn’t even know they had! He isn’t just interested in taking away the pain, but filling the need that’s causing it. The problem is that when something is causing us pain, we don’t want to examine it, or probe to find out the root cause. We just want the Pain to Stop! But . . .You can’t have true Healing unless you understand what is causing the Feeling!
Father help me to not discard, or disguise my pain, but to Examine, Embrace, and Allow YOU to fill my needs so that my heart can heal. Thank You for bringing the pain of others to my attention, and help me to be a Sweet Spirit to their aching heart. Let me be willing to be Your Vessel in anyway that YOU ask me to, knowing that Healing often comes through Helping others to See You! Help me to realize that “Feelings” are Not Truth, because YOU are the Way the Truth, and the Light! YOU coming down to Earth to Save me from my sins, and give me life Eternal with YOU is and always will be “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”!
Hugs and Prayers
Merry Christmas Julie, you are always in our thoughts and prayers. Doug and I love you so much.
Thank you Julie for your transparency! Yes it feels terrible to feel bad at such an awesome time of celebration. Your reminder of others pain is spot on. Julie know that we are praying for you and your family. Love you
Your thoughts always make me think and feel more deeply. Love you❤️
Julie thank you for this! What a beautiful way to look at the pain we all have at one point in our lives! May God continue to bless you and your family!
Oh Julie – how my heart aches for you as I remember and relive the pain of a Christmas following the recent loss of my son and dad. (quite the year) The Holy Spirit is using you to speak truth, hope and love into our lives. may GOD grant you supernatural peace and joy! Thank you for continuing to be light and salt – love ya so…
I have no doubt that the Lord is using you to be a healing balm in other’s lives. Praying you have others in your life doing the same for you. Praying for your heart this season and so encouraged by your walk.
So true. My heart goes out to you Julie. May God fill your hurt with his overflowing love and peace. I love you.
It’s been five months since Greg passed, but in so many ways it seems like just yesterday. In other ways it seems like it happened a long time ago. The physical pain in your heart and stomach does subside after a while, but the emotional hurt, loss and disappointment come and go — for how long, I don’t know, because it’s still a constant for me. I try to rejoice for Greg that he’s no longer suffering and that he’s in the Lord’s presence, as I’m sure you do with Joe, but I cry and grieve for me and my boys, Grace, and little Caroline, who was only held by Greg once, and will never know her Granddad. All we can do is take it one day at a time, trust His sovereignty and be strong and courageous. Easier said than done, but in Him, we can. Don’t do anything you don’t feel like doing, don’t let people pressure you to do more than you want, and some days stay in your PJ’s and drink coffee, eat chocolate and watch your favorite movie or tv program. Other days try to get out and enjoy the warmth of the sun and blue sky’s. Books on grieving are helpful. We aren’t the first women to lose our husbands, but I sure feel like I am, and their stories help me know I’m not alone, that my feelings are normal, and that somehow, God will bring good out of this horrific loss in my live. In the mean time, I wonder what those guys are up to up there? It’s neat to know they are together with Jesus, and that one day we will be too. Love and prayers!!!
Thank you for sharing Julie and being so vulnerable. 5 yrs ago December 22nd my Mom went to Heaven. Shocking…as the hospital told us she was being released Christmas Eve.
Beautifully said…..You ARE a Sweet Spirit to my aching heart.💔 Thank you.
Thanks Julie! Very helpful for many of us.
So many people will be helped by your words Julie!
Truer words were never spoken. The 20th marked 4 months since my husband died and the only “good” feeling about this grief is knowing that I hurt because I loved him so much. I don’t like being in this club I didn’t ask to join. Hopefully you will family around you; that feels good. Merry Christmas.
This article is so on point about people’s pain & circumstances that we don’t realize until we have our own pain. Also Jesus always dealt with our root cause issues which a lot of the time dealt with the heart our most precious possession besides our soul. Either our hearts have to be protected or fixed. I can’t imagine missing a parent or spouse at all or this time of year but you all do touch my heart & this year Julie your & Joe’s life story touched me so much I have been praying and will now pray for widows dealing with pain like yours.
Prayers for God to continue to flood your mind with all your great memories to help heal your broken heart🙏🏻 My Mom was only 71 years when she passed December 3, 2004-we all miss her so much it’s hard to believe 14 years have already passed😟My Dad Dave 86 yrs has lived with my husband and I for starting his 10th year in January still grieves for her. The struggle is real and it’s hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other on this journey of life. Prayers for a Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year! 💕
Amen, Julie. I confess I probably didn’t notice nearly enough before losing my son. Pain and conflict connect us in a way that sadly joy does not. I am living proof that things do get better and I am so grateful to be able to say that new joys can come your way if you will let them in. Eventually. Giving ourselves whatever healing time we personally need, not on anyone else’s timetable. “Normal” truly is just a setting on the dryer dial.
We must be willing to be vulnerable in order to truly live life and not just exist. I have learned to give myself permission to feel however I am feeling and also permission to experience joy when it comes. Not the same, but different. I am changed from life, and I’ve come to realize that I am supposed to be: God uses all things to mold us, if we let Him.
Love you. Continued prayers.
Melinda
You are such a blessing to others. Love you.