“One of the greatest tragedies in life is to lose your own sense of self and accept the version of you that is expected by everyone else.” —K.L. Toth

I can remember long ago sleeping under quilts at my grandmother’s house. It felt like you were sleeping under a giant hug!  Each quilt was unique, the colors and patterns didn’t always seem to match or even fit together.  However, over time once each piece had been stitched to the next, as a whole it formed a beautiful masterpiece!  Much like us in God’s eyes.   Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”  What made it so unique is that each piece that made up the quilt told a story of the past:  Grandpa’s favorite flannel shirt, Uncle Ned’s Sunday best, Momma Marie’s velvet Christmas dress.  It was as if each person who contributed to the quilt was loaning a piece of themselves to you.  And so it is with life!  God created each of us on purpose for His purpose, but He used ordinary, broken people to do it.  This is why there is such popularity with on-line Genealogy & DNA kits, because we all want to know our roots. Those roots (the people, their names, their stories) give our life validation.  However, it is our contribution to others (our squares in the quilt) that give our life meaning and purpose. 

For Thanksgiving we had my parents flown down to Florida to spend the week with me.  My mom is suffering from Alzheimer’s.  It has been difficult to watch the disease take my once Business Savvy, Gorgeous, Godly Mother, and reduce her to someone who needs help to bathe, eat, and requires round the clock care.  Most of the time her speech is gibberish, and makes no sense.  It involves a lot of mental charades and guessing on my part to make sense of what she is trying to say.  Often, out of sheer mental exhaustion,  I just nod in agreement when I don’t even know what she is talking about.  My mom has always been one of my biggest cheerleaders, and she taught me my love of reading God’s Word every day.  As far back as I can remember I have woken up each day to see her reading the Bible.  Her purpose was to bring God glory, and to show others the love of Jesus in everything she did.  Today as I sat with her while she ate her breakfast she said “I read (pointing to her Bible) and nothing.  I look and can’t see.  I don’t know.  I pray, ask God to show me what good am I anymore.”  I cried, because my mom had lost her purpose, and I truly understood.  Not just what she was saying, but what she was feeling.  I assured her that though she could not remember what she had just read, because of the disease, that “the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12.  I told her that she has spent her life in His Word, and though she couldn’t remember it now, it Lived in her. I told her God knew she loved Him, and wanted to still serve Him, and just when she needed it He would remind her of His Promises.  But . . . as I said those words to her, I totally understood the deep sadness that comes from not knowing one’s purpose anymore.

AND THEN GOD REMINDED ME OF HIS WORDS:  Psalms 139: 1-5 & 13-16 “You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.  For you created my inmost being: You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before I had lived even one.”  

You don’t have to suffer from Alzheimer’s disease to forget your purpose.  Anytime your world comes crashing down around you, you can lose your sense of value and purpose. The pieces of your life don’t seem to match, or even fit together.  You don’t understand God’s plan or purpose for allowing your dreams to come crashing down around you. In our society today we equate purpose and value with “us accomplishing something”.  That can be a dangerous place to live when you watch it all slip away.  But. . . What if in this season of pain and grief when you don’t know Who you are and you can’t make sense of anything of worth that you can accomplish like my mom, your greatest purpose is to just BE LOVE and BE LOVED by those who need you most.  I believe God would considerate Priceless!

Thank You Father for reminding me it is not I that need to accomplish something, but You accomplishing Your Purpose IN me!  It may not make sense now, but over time as you stitch the pieces of my life together, You have promised me You are creating a Masterpiece!