Psalm 139:12 “Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”

I remember being so scared of the dark when I was younger.  I would ask my older sister if I could sleep with her, and when she was gone I would wait until I thought my parents were asleep, and crawl into their room to sleep on the floor at the foot of their bed. I couldn’t really name what I was scared of, I just knew not being able to see what was behind me, around me, and before me made me vulnerable to whatever “could” get me, and that terrified me!  As we grow older, we realize there was nothing to be afraid of.  As adults a fear of the dark seems silly and childish.

When your world is turned upside down by a catastrophic event (death, divorce, loss of a job, etc.) it is amazing how you feel like a little child again!  You lose all of your bearings.  Your life as you knew it no longer exists.  It’s as if someone ransacked your life, turned out the lights, and said “Now, find your way around!”.  You can’t see what is around you, because you’re still trying to process what happened, and accept what will never be again. You can’t imagine what lies before you, because everything you had imagined for your future will never look like you thought it would.  Thus . . . you are afraid of the dark!

The Dark is where our senses become overactive, and on “High Alert”, because the main sense we rely on – – Sight, is gone!  The Dark is where our imagination runs rampant, and our sense of vulnerability is at an all time high.  We imagine every scenario of what “could” happen, and play out an escape plan for each scenario hoping to make our “out of control” life seem somewhat more in our control.  The Dark makes ordinary people, places, and events seem like looming catastrophes out of our control, so we try to avoid them for fear of being hurt again.  The Dark is also where God does His finest work!  Could it be . . . God has allowed  (not caused) you to be in the Dark for a Reason and a Season, so He can do His Finest Work IN and FOR You?

When I consider how Job is the oldest book in the Bible, I think maybe God knew it has one of the first lessons we would need to learn on this tough road of Life.  Though we may not agree with God, understand Him or His ways, God has a Purpose in the Seasons of Darkness in our life, (which are Sure to come) and He uses them for Our good, and His Glory!   Job was a God fearing man of integrity.  He was well respected, very wealthy, and was married with 7 sons and 3 daughters.  In one day Job lost all of his kids, and all of his wealth.  Shortly thereafter, he lost his health, and his respect among all the people.  Job’s wife told him to curse God and die (Uh, thanks honey for the support).  Job’s friends may have meant well, but they hurt him by accusing him of having a “hidden sin” in his life.  They were convinced God had caused all of this calamity to fall on Job, because he had unconfessed sin in his life.  Job is Angry, he asks God “Why?”, and Job wants to Die!  JOB WAS IN THE DARK!

I have personally experienced every thought, and emotion it says that Job had during his Season of Darkness.  I have Questioned, Begged, and Complained to God in Anger!  I have had well-meaning, but hurtful remarks from friends.  I have lost integrity with those who once respected me, because I haven’t “bounced back” quick enough.  And I have literally wanted to die to rid myself of the constant ache of grief.  What I marvel at is what happened IN Job, and what he Saw in the Dark!  Job 42: 1-5 Then Job replied to the Lord:  “I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.  You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.  “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ My ears had heard of you but now MY EYES HAVE SEEN YOU.  Then, it says the Lord made Job prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before, (including another 7 sons, and 3 daughters) and that the Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the first.

God didn’t resurrect the kids Job did have, though He could have.  But . . . What if the Grief Job experienced made him More Compassionate and Affectionate with his love in the 2nd half?  God didn’t take away the pain and hurt of what Job lost, though He could have.  But . . . What if the pain of the loss made Job More Grateful for what he was given in the 2nd half?  God allowed Job to fully experience a Dark season of the soul, but what God gave Job in the Dark was MORE.  More of God, More of Love, More of All the Qualities it would take to be Blessed More Abundantly the 2nd half of his life!   Job SAW God in All of His Power, All of His Glory, and that would have been enough!  God Blessed the latter part of Job’s life More than the first, not because God gave him more, but because Job Personally Experienced More of WHO GOD IS!

Yes I am still in the Dark!  The pain of what I’ve lost is still very present.  I cannot see what lies before me.  I have a hard time making sense of what my future could even look like.  BUT . . . I have Experienced MORE of Who God is up close and personal in the most surprising ways:  He’s revealed a love for writing that I didn’t even know I had.   Because my senses are so keenly on alert as I grapple in the dark, I am much more aware of what He is teaching me moment by moment as I take baby steps to find my way. I find Joy when I can express those precious lessons on paper, so I don’t forget! (Several of you have asked, and the answer is Yes!  I would like to write a book one day, when God opens that door, and shows me how) I have developed an even deeper love for my kids and grandkids, that I didn’t know was possible.  When the people you love the most also experience the deepest hurt with you; you are more intentional about being “fully present” when you’re together, and expressing your love while you have the chance.  I have always loved to speak publicly, but have found an even greater Joy as God has changed my audience, and my transparency.  There is a difference when speaking from the Success in your career, then when you’re speaking from the depths of your soul in the most vulnerable parts of your faith!  These, and a hundred other ways I have stood in awe as I have Experienced the Goodness of an All Powerful, but very Personal God!  And . . . Though I have not experienced it yet, I Choose To Believe He Will Bless The Latter Part Of My Life More Than The First, because I am different, I am More!

Father though I cannot physically see You, thank You for personally letting me feel Your Powerful Presence in the dark.  Like a little girl who is scared of the dark, I may be scared, but I can rest just knowing You are here with me!  Keep my senses on “High Alert” as You teach me to walk by Faith and not by Sight.  Though I don’t like it, help me to remain vulnerable and transparent, so You can use my pain for Your Platform showing Your Strength in my weakness!